06, Jun, 2023
How To Stop Caring About Things You Can’t Control

How To Stop Caring About Things You Can’t Control

First, clarify whether you have control over the issue you are worrying about. For instance, you have an important assignment due for work tomorrow you have not completed, so are feeling anxious. It would not be appropriate or helpful to try to stop feeling anxious. Rather, you need to complete the assignment, right? So these sources of anxiety might be entered on a to-do list and completed.

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How To Stop Caring About Things You Can’t Control

It’s often hard not to care about things you can’t control-whether your partner will do well on a work presentation, what the weather will be like for our flight, and so on. The problem is that caring about things you can’t control takes your time, zaps your energy, and keeps you from working on the things you can control. To reduce your stress and start leading a happier life, you need to let go and stop caring about those things you can’t control. It might be easier said than done, but all you need are the right tools. We’ll discuss these later in the article.

In Your Personal Life

1. Create and enforce boundaries.

Unfortunately, not many people actually take the time to think about their boundaries and define them. That’s an important step to take because it removes the confusion and ambiguity that often comes with emotional situations. It’s easy to make bad decisions when you’re flooded with stress and emotion.

For example, you have a boundary where you do not want to hear your friend complain about their relationship because they do nothing to change it. So when your friend starts moaning about how terrible their partner is, you don’t need to entertain the conversation or invest extra energy into figuring out whether or not it’s acceptable.

2. Don’t over-invest in other people.

People who care too much will often find that it’s not a reciprocal relationship. They will devote excessive energy to worrying and fussing over the people they care about, while those people won’t devote nearly as much energy back.

Sure, they may care about you a lot; they may just not be wired in the same way that you are. Frankly, most people are primarily concerned with themselves and their own problems, first and foremost.

A good way to manage these relationships is to exert an equal amount of energy. Don’t spend your time chasing after people constantly. Put about as much energy into the relationship as they do.

You shouldn’t make it a tit for tat thing. Like, if they call me once, I’ll call them once. People get busy with life and sometimes get distracted. But it does become a problem when you’re the one putting in all the effort and work.

There’s nothing wrong with being the one to reach out or try to get something going. Just don’t be the person who constantly pours into others without being poured into yourself.

3. Minimize your contact with negative people.

Stop and make an assessment about the people you spend time with. How do they make you feel when you leave their presence? Do you feel happy and energized? Or do you feel drained and negative? Are you walking around with negative feelings because they are loading their problems and worries onto you?

How To Stop Caring About Everything

Maybe you’re an empath and caring comes naturally. Maybe what you care about seems to have some control over you and it’s difficult to let go. Whatever the case, caring too much is no longer serving you, and you want to no longer care.

It’s painful, right? A part of you clearly wants to let go of this worry. You’re tired of thinking about the relationship, the ex, the anxiety over your work, the concerns about what people think about you. But even though you want to stop caring about these things, on some level you’re still chasing them. They’re still occupying too much space in your mind. Draining you, day by day.

See, different parts of the brain link together to make up a series of networks. Each of these networks have different drives or goals, also known as different modules. Because the aims of these modules can contradict each other, you end up in self-conflict.

Take for example the issue of a toxic relationship. Your drive for security (for yourself) can seemingly push you away from your partner, while your drive for care (for the other) can push you towards them. You have a natural empathetic drive to help and protect, and you don’t want to hurt the other person, but by staying in the relationship you’re keeping yourself in a state of insecurity and anxiety. It’s a catch-22.

When you care too much, it means you have a strong attachment to whatever you are fixating on. Fortunately, our brains are, at least partly, rational. By going through each of our attachments, and the drives that are creating them, we can convince our brains that we don’t actually need to keep caring about the thing that’s troubling us. Less care = less investment, less investment = less energy wasted. When we are drained of energy we feel low, when that feeling becomes persistent, we call that depression.

Concluding Thoughts

As frustrating as it can be dealing with things that are out of your control, know that there is at least one thing within your control-the way you respond.

When it comes to worries, one of the problems you should stop worrying about is something you can’t control. The idea is to put your energy into something you can control, but for many, this is hard. Here are some ways you can stop worrying or caring.

  • Make a list of what you can and can’t control. Focus and put your energy toward what you’re able to control, and hopefully, you’ll start to worry less.
  • By focusing on what you can control, you will operate more efficiently. We can’t change people and the situations they face, but you can change yourself.
  • Practicing meditative mindfulness is a good way for you to stop caring. Mindfulness teaches you to let go of any self-defeating thoughts or circumstances you can’t control, and instead worry about the here and now.
  • Notice how you cope with your worries. Do you spend time thinking about them endlessly, or do you come up with solutions? When you start to focus on what you can change, come up with a plan. Mentally strong people solve problems and they don’t ruminate as much.
  • Seek help from a therapist. One technique a therapist can teach you is cognitive behavioral therapy, where you can learn to control how you react by changing your thoughts and habits.

They can help identify your fears concerning what you can’t control. For example, if you’re always predicting a catastrophic outcome, why do you do that? The people and circumstances you’ve faced can be one reason why you feel this way. Learning to spend less time with catastrophic predictions and endless rumination may require some therapy.

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